Just wrote the last few lines that I could and I honestly have to say it’s weird how working on it was first a lot of struggle and then it just felt like work, but no struggle anymore….don’t know if at some point my anxiety to deal with it just got overwhelmed by feelings of progress and accomplishment 😛
However….there was a lot of stuff to think about and there are still some smaller things missing, but in overall I’m glad I got as far as I did and although it feels like I was repeating myself a few times (cause personal skills and business strengths are more or less the same, if company consists of only one person, as an example)
I’m still quite happy with the results 🙂
Now I just need to get some feedback from the person helping me and talk to someone from the local game developer community this week, to hopefully figure out some more things for what I need, how to continue and maybe even get some new contacts from local game dev community 😀
Sometimes I could just hate myself for feeling certain ways >.< I feel stressed, because I more or less promised that I would be able to finish my business plan until next weeks wednesday, but now I’m not sure anymore if I can manage to finish it the way I wanted to >.< which is probably most about my own expectations of what I think what finished means. So I’m distressed about it that i don’t think I can finish it the way I wanted to…anxious that i could get judged for it…kind of like in my childhood, when wherever I did something that was considered “not ideal” I was scolded for doing it wrong, without even being told what I should have done exactly beforehand (it’s actually interesting how much I got scolded for things I simply didn’t know how to do them and wasn’t aware of doing them “wrong” or that there was any kind of expectation….)
So…I’m struggling with it Although I know from past years experience that doing something is more important than HOW I do it. And that most people are not even caring about the “how” anymore, because it often doesn’t even matter.
Then I’m also struggling a bit with changing from one business plan form to another, cause I could see and was told that it would be an easier to fill out plan, more suited for non industrial business aswell and in general less complicated questions etc.
Was even told I could probably just go and copy paste most of what I had done already, but turns out the questions are different…different focus. Sure there are similarities, but although I went through the form with my advisor, after opening it at home it felt like I suddenly had some sort of blockage in my head and the questions made much less sense
another stressor….and I’m not sure if it has again to do with some sort of expectations of myself of it “should be easy” or if I simply lack sleep.
Cause that’s the other thing…my daughter hasn’t been sleeping well for the past week, struggling alot with waking up in the middle of the night, too early in the morning (and then taking about a hour or 2 to get her back to bed, so SHE can get enough sleep…and then a few nights when she didn’t go to sleep before 2 am or midnight 😦
which also resulted in me having much less time and patience and motivation and energy to actually work on the business plan…-.-
I know there is a way through this and ultimately it will probably turn out well….My advisor is there to help me with it and I’m also gonna meet someone else next week who probably can help me to get in contact with other game developers in my area…my business plan, although I feel like starting over now, I DID spend alot of time thinking about my business already, so theoretically I am able to solve it, it will take time, it will take effort, I will get help with it and there is no real deadline for it. Not to mention I only need to do this once and after that I can change and adapt it, if needed.
Also, when I’m through all of this, I know more than I did before, might know better where to go for help and a little bit more confident by gathering experiences of how well it goes.
It’s not gonna be an endless hopeless suffering, it’s the means to start something new from the ground up and it’s probably gonna change my life, similarly to how it changed my life when I decided to move to finland.
And I want this!
I had my first official meeting with someone from a local company whom are helping to start businesses around here. I was surprised about how easy it felt. Sure they had alot of Information for me to take in, but I’m sure it was worth it.
I had so many questions answered and I know my next step(s) which I think is very important to stay focused on the goal ahead 🙂 Biggest anxiety triggers I know of for me, is usually the unknown, not knowing what comes next 😮 so this is very helpful.
Also, when i was asked, if I want to get in contact with local developers etc. I immediately jumped on it, because SURE I would love to meet new people, especially if they share same passion/interest as me and know a few things about game development 🙂
Also, I’m glad if I can finally share my game development desires/dreams etc. without needing to fear all the time that “I’m not really doing it yet!” cause I think I got enough confidence in my own abilities now, so I atleast can say clearly that I have made some games and that I will make more 😀
Also….it’s hard to remind myself over and over again that I’m not a hoax…I’m not a crazy person…I’m not doing something impossible…I have skills….I have even some education for what I want to do…I can learn things and I can always stand up again.
The more often I fall and stand up again, the better I will get at it….soooo….up and over the cliff it goes with eyes and mind wide open 😉
Uuuuuuurgh! XD I thought it would be mostly like a game design document, but tbh it’s much more complicated and much more effort than I thought to make a Business Plan for starting out as an entrepreneur who wants to make videogames…..I mean seriously…who knows how the game industry looks like in 5-10 years? or who knows what happens with current trends>? or who knows if a product that has not existed in that form before is gonna be successful? How do you know your target audience, if you have not published your games for money yet? Because I do think that there is a difference between “what you would want to buy” and “what do you like to play” as in, there are some game types that are nice as free games but not so much commercially viable…and how to explain that?…..
but then again…i imagine i would have that great idea of a solar powered vacuum cleaner and I would probably stumble on the same things, the moment it is about innovation, rather than doing something tried and proven…:o
On the other hand…NOW I know it’s not gonna be easy and can set expectations about the plan accordingly and therefore more realistically, maybe I can find some enjoyment in doing the research for it aswell 🙂
to become an entrepreneur 🙂
It felt like a quite courageous jump and I have no idea what to expect exactly…only a rough idea of what I need and where to go and a good idea what my goal is, but I finally did my first baby steps on becoming an entrepreneur and I’m happy I did so.
It might not seem much to some, but writing mails to people whom can help me become an entrepreneur, doing these first contacts, they are difficult for me, with all the imagined expectations and worries that I have in my head.
I hope it’s gonna turn out well, but I know also, even if it wouldn’t I would stand up and try again. So no matter the outcome, I will continue my path. It’s just so freaking scary!…and exciting….but scary >.>……….emotions are going a little rollercoaster here XD
Wish me luck 🙂