damn, dealing with stress XD

Sometimes I could just hate myself for feeling certain ways >.< I feel stressed, because I more or less promised that I would be able to finish my business plan until next weeks wednesday, but now I’m not sure anymore if I can manage to finish it the way I wanted to >.< which is probably most about my own expectations of what I think what finished means. So I’m distressed about it that i don’t think I can finish it the way I wanted to…anxious that i could get judged for it…kind of like in my childhood, when wherever I did something that was considered “not ideal” I was scolded for doing it wrong, without even being told what I should have done exactly beforehand (it’s actually interesting how much I got scolded for things I simply didn’t know how to do them and wasn’t aware of doing them “wrong” or that there was any kind of expectation….)
So…I’m struggling with it :/ Although I know from past years experience that doing something is more important than HOW I do it. And that most people are not even caring about the “how” anymore, because it often doesn’t even matter.
Then I’m also struggling a bit with changing from one business plan form to another, cause I could see and was told that it would be an easier to fill out plan, more suited for non industrial business aswell and in general less complicated questions etc.
Was even told I could probably just go and copy paste most of what I had done already, but turns out the questions are different…different focus. Sure there are similarities, but although I went through the form with my advisor, after opening it at home it felt like I suddenly had some sort of blockage in my head and the questions made much less sense :/
another stressor….and I’m not sure if it has again to do with some sort of expectations of myself of it “should be easy” or if I simply lack sleep.
Cause that’s the other thing…my daughter hasn’t been sleeping well for the past week, struggling alot with waking up in the middle of the night, too early in the morning (and then taking about a hour or 2 to get her back to bed, so SHE can get enough sleep…and then a few nights when she didn’t go to sleep before 2 am or midnight 😦
which also resulted in me having much less time and patience and motivation and energy to actually work on the business plan…-.-
I know there is a way through this and ultimately it will probably turn out well….My advisor is there to help me with it and I’m also gonna meet someone else next week who probably can help me to get in contact with other game developers in my area…my business plan, although I feel like starting over now, I DID spend alot of time thinking about my business already, so theoretically I am able to solve it, it will take time, it will take effort, I will get help with it and there is no real deadline for it. Not to mention I only need to do this once and after that I can change and adapt it, if needed.
Also, when I’m through all of this, I know more than I did before, might know better where to go for help and a little bit more confident by gathering experiences of how well it goes.
It’s not gonna be an endless hopeless suffering, it’s the means to start something new from the ground up and it’s probably gonna change my life, similarly to how it changed my life when I decided to move to finland.
And I want this!


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