Coming to terms with the state I’m in

I can’t deny it any longer that I need help. As far as I know I have been suffering from anxiety, depression and possibly OCD my whole life. I don’t have any diagnosis (yet), but I’m wanting to change that to get proper treatment.
I reached a certain…black hole in my life, beginning of this year…getting burn out from doing the best I could and at the same time bashing myself for not doing good enough ever. Like a constant reminder of what a failure I would be on repeat.
I know it’s not true…or I should know it isn’t, but it’s hard to see through that wall, that I have been living with for most of my life.
I finally got the courage to ask for real help, to ask for what I need and to put my health first, so that I have a chance to get better at any point. I’m currently trying anti-depressants (which seems to have helped a little bit, making it possible for me to at least do some laundry or dishes without feeling completely exhausted) and I’m gonna see a therapist end of this week…..
I want to get better….I’m sick of being sick.
So…health first, my game(s) have to wait.
one little bit of hope though, through all that darkness, it seems that games are a passion for me…I’m glad that’s clear for me now.

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2 thoughts on “Coming to terms with the state I’m in

  1. Hey there!
    coming out of my corner again, as you called it, for taking a look in your blog 🙂
    It’s been a while since you wrote the article, so I hope the therapist you met is someone who is understandable and reasonable and a good help for you to find a way out of your black hole.
    Somehow I think we creative people are especially vulnerable to anxiety and depression, just because we think and imagine so much… and it just needs other things that are happening – or have happened in the past – that add to it… and it suddenly looks like a wall in your way that you can never climb or break.
    But hey… If we can imagine whole worlds and paint pictures of things in our head or write about things that never happened or existed… then the reality can’t be that much more difficult, right?
    I hope you’re well and/or getting better. If you ever need someone to talk to, just let me know. *hugs*

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    1. tbh if you are around on steam or discord or so, I would like to talk a bit 🙂 talking here over the blog is a little too public sometimes XD even if not alot of people are reading it (not that I can say that for certain, but I think you know what I mean)

      Like

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