I can’t believe it’s actually one year now that I’m doing this blog 😀 Not only that, but I’m also having written 93 Blog post in one year O.o (this one included).
It is seriously quite amazing 😀 *coughs*
I’m actually quite proud of it, considering that I wasn’t sure if I could do it. And sure, there were many days when I felt like I really have nothing to talk about or nothing I want to talk about, when it feels awkward to write anyway (atleast for the first few seconds), but what I realized pretty soon is, that the “wall” of writing a blog entry, is only short lived 🙂 Whenever I started writing, even though I didn’t feel like it, after a second or so it just started flowing out. I wonder if it’s noticeable in some posts XD I doubt it…
Then there were also many days when I just loved writing in here, when I loved having a place to put down my thoughts, to make my own progress in things visible, a place where I can sometimes see that I’m not alone with my thoughts and a place I can rant sometimes and where I can maybe even help other people with what I’m writing and doing 🙂
I know life can be hard and sometimes even devastatingly so…and that we are living in a society where we are often made to believe certain things are in a way just too good for us. Things like being always happy or whenever we see “concept art” it looks astonishing.
It’s one of the reasons why I started this blog though. I’m a normal person, I had in some ways a quite hard life. I was determined though, to get out of it, but I fell and struggled so often and I still would say I’m dealing quite alot with depression and anxiety.
And when being vulnerable like that, it’s also easy to just believe in what other people tell me, to not have a good filter of what is a good or bad thing to say to me.
So when someone questioned that I would be able to program based on my bad math grades at school? It crushed me. When someone told me that games are nonsense? it made me feel awful. When someone told me that women are not so good at logic (or I am not) It made me feel stupid.
I admit I’m a sensitive person. I admit I want to be liked and wanted and that I tend to take everything quite much personally, more than I probably should.
Still, I’m here, following my dreams, after many failures..many times that I had to start over, many times that I was told that my drawings, my skills are just not good enough to be hired anywhere and similar things….
I’m here, wanting everyone to know, that I can do it! I can get past all that. And holding on those dreams and keeping to follow them is making me feel like my life is worth living, it’s actually making me like myself a little bit more. And it makes me feel as if I actually have some control over my life.  Maybe, writing down everything here honestly, the way it is for me, can inspire someone, to go and try for themselves, whatever they want to do….
fartoindie 