So finally, after a few weeks of really crappy sleep, no sleep rythm, only a few hours per night and very interrupted. I finally could sleep for 8/9 hours and could do so from around 1am in the morning. Maybe, if I can keep that up and my daughter won’t “hiccup” again, just maaaaybe I can start having normal sleep again and then have the time and brainpower to actually work properly on my projects.
I honestly felt really bad about it, that I couldn’t really do anything and that I had to accept that I just couldn’t, that it wasn’t in my control at all and that I literally was too stressed and overwhelmed with everything that happened around me, that working was practically not possible.
Knowing myself, I usually would try to just do it anyway and burn myself out with it, to an extent that’s really not healthy and I already noticed how irritated and easily I became emotional over every little bit. Not to mention the anxiety levels! Heck I started getting images of flying glass splitters, flying into my face just by putting an OPEN glass jar into the microwave, even though it was stating clearly that it is meant for that.
But for some reason my body/mind didn’t care that it’s not logical and pressed on with those images anyway….brrr…sorry for being so graphical.
However, with a little “luck” I get some time for doing again. I missed that craving feeling and I missed the problem solving. All I could do while I was so heavily sleep deprived was writing one or 2 sentences a day into my game design document or scribble down some ideas to solve problems…maybe watch another few minutes of some video tutorial. *sigh*
That said, I managed to watch a video to the end that I can only recommend to any indie dev out there who might struggle with themselves:
It’s a long video (about 1 hour) but it’s worth watching it completely and unlike alot of other videos that handle those kind of critical topics, he actually gives some tips, like actual practical examples on how to learn to “be” with your emotions. Or how to handle them, specially anger, frustration and fear.
Of course, he has alot of focus on game development, so he also talks about getting stuck in game development, why and how to solve it. (That involves team issues aswell)