Why is game development so damn mesmerizing? 😀
I’m doing, pondering, writing, thinking, sketching, thinking some more, making yet another Trello board, reading through quora posts, unity forums etc. Every day I do a little bit game development, just enough to satisfy my need to develop, just enough to keep me going, even on those days, when I feel like just wanting to sleep all day, just to have some little progress and EVERYTHING I do counts.
And then I spend hours on playing with my daughter, changing diapers, feeding, trying to figure out whatever she needs, trying to do whatever housework I feel capable of doing in that limited time I have.
And more hours, watching videos, tutorials, reading about algorithms, code examples, solutions for voxel based terrains, smoothing of the same, optimization, blender, how to make textures, reading through blogs about game design and “what a new game developer should do” about comments what people think is right and about young people full of hope to create the game of their dreams, about unfinished game projects and depressed indie developers, about opinions and knowledge, about advice and about grief….
There is alot and I easily find myself lost in this sea of Information, but I DO enjoy it.
When I am in doubt, when I’m judging myself for not doing enough, when I’m feeling useless and aimless…I just look at my blog, the progress I made, I look at those people that stood up no matter how hard it was, that stood up against criticism that they couldn’t/shouldn’t do it, I look at those close to me that support me and believe in me and I look in that enthusiasm, that excitement, that butterfly like feeling I get when I start talking about all the stuff I have learned and still can learn about game development and everything related to that.
And I know, I’m in love with it, all of it! This is where I want to be.
I’m a game dev and with my whole heart I will do the best I possibly can to fullfill my dream of creating experiences that touch people.
Thats what I want.
and I think, it was important to me to figure this one out, since I don’t want to make games for the sake of games or money or fame etc. I want to make games, because I think it is the most fullfilling medium to be able to immerse us and touch us in a way that is not possible with other kind of media. We can BE in a world and are not just a mere spectator, but a participant.