Trying to find a way

One evening I’m free from my mom duties. My brain tells me:
“don’t start, it’s not worth it, you don’t know when you can continue” It’s an annoying voice.
I was watching some videos about terrain generation, talked a bit about how creating a story/backstory for a game, could actually lead to a smaller easier managable project. Then I realize, that no matter what I choose to do, it will be always work, but I want to do it.
I crave for doing something and at the same time I fight with myself, finding energy to stay sane as mom, to find time to rest between those many times I have to work.
It feels hard and I don’t even know if I should feel guilty about it…well maybe not guilty, but I feel like I really want to do more, but I can’t. I’m already using up everything I have as far as it’s possible without going over the edge that would lead to burnout…it’s faszinating though, that I can feel where that blurry edge is. Helpful probably also, in a way.
I don’t wanna give up.
Maybe it will take still years from now on before I can properly work on these dreams, maybe I have to wait until she goes to school…maybe I will take a plunge into the unknown and get a workspace separate from home, when the mother-support runs out when my child turns 3….
I don’t know yet how and when it will be, but I know it will be happening EVENTUALLY.

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One thought on “Trying to find a way

  1. Such is life, in where you want to work on your dreams and ideas, but other stuff always seem to get in the way.

    Like

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